I Loved You First
by almakazam
Summary: Popuri writes a letter about her dream this morning. One-shot, quickly written out of morning feels.


_Just a quick fic of feels I had the past few days._

* * *

Dear Kai,

I hope it's okay if I write to you again. I just dreamed of you this morning. I just wanted to tell you all about it.

So you see, we were in the big city. It was winter, your most hated time of the year, but you were so happy, darling. It was the first time that I didn't hear you complain about the snow falling on your head, or how the white sleet masked the beautiful flowers. And especially about the cold! We were both bundled up in our scarves and mittens and it was funny because you were sneezing every now and then. We laughed about the little things that we encountered along the way—the kids having snowball fights, the rich guy that slipped on ice and broke his cane and the old couple that sat and slept by the park's benches while holding hands. You told me that we'll grow old like that someday. When you said that, I couldn't help but hide my face from you. The happiness building up in me that time was unimaginable. My cheeks burned, and my jaw hurt from smiling like an idiot. You held my hand and told me to look at you in the eye; you smiled and looked at me like I was the prettiest girl in the world. You told me over and over that you loved me.

I loved you too, of course. I always had and will always do. That's what exactly I said in my dream. So guess what happened next?

Oh, just probably one of my greatest dreams. Someone called me from a distance, and I saw her. It was mom! I wasn't surprised at all when I saw her, but I was really excited when I did. And that's because, she was bringing a baby. Our baby! When mom got near, I looked at the sweet little thing—curly black hair, pinkish white skin and golden honey eyes. Then she gave him to me, and he was so warm. He was so adorable. He was so perfect. Also, he was wearing a purple knitted cap and purple mittens for his little baby hands! Oh, if only you saw him like I did in my dream! And so we giggled and smiled, and I passed the baby for you to hold. I never knew what his name was though. What do you think? I kind of like the name Kylie. Or was that too feminine? Kyle then!

Anyway, Mom needed to go back to Mineral Town and Rick was waiting for her at the pier, and you know, magically, he wasn't all rude and grumpy anymore at you. He even smiled and told us to take care, especially of the baby. We went home then, at a really simple house decked in the middle of a quiet street. It was like a winter wonderland where we lived. The trees were bald and barren, but lines of Christmas lights were adorned on the branches and that evening when we passed by, they lit up and it felt so whimsical. Baby Kyle laughed. He seemed to like the lights, too. Then everything was covered in white—the roofs, the streets, the cars, the window sills and it looked everything glittered in the snow, too. But what made it more lovely, I think, was that I got to see it with you.

I don't know how exactly the dream ended, but there were words from you that echoed in my head. _"Thank you, Popuri."_

Does that remind you of anything? The words, the manner how you said it… and how inverse the moments are with my dream and with what happened in real life. I don't know, Kai. It just suddenly came to my dream.

I just cried when I woke up, because it all came back again. Those were the exact words you told me last year. You thanked me, with tears in your eyes and probably the most beautiful smile I've seen on you, but it was also the most painful for me.

Do you remember? You thanked me for letting you go. Finally. Of all the years I've held you so close to me, on that day did I only see that smile of yours. So genuine, so full of relief. And it pained me so much that I had to let you go and that I've chained you to myself. I was selfish. I was so cruel. But I only loved you. I don't know if that would be a probable excuse for clinging on to you for so long. But I really, really, really, just loved you. And I still do. And like I said earlier, I will always do. I loved you first. I wish that was a valid reason to take you back, but sadly, it isn't. It isn't how much love I have or hers for you, either. If it was that easy, then I wouldn't be such a wreck right now.

I'm sorry, Kai. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for telling you up until now how I feel for you. I'm sorry that I can't help but want you to remember me even if you're with Claire now in the city. This dream I have—I guess, it's happening right now, but it's you and her. And I'm sorry for being so honest right now, but I think I'll never stop waiting for you.

I don't even know if you read my letters or what. I never got a letter back, not even once. Is Claire stopping you from replying? Or work? I just don't want to think that you purposely don't want to write a reply to me. It's painful to think that. But then again, every day is painful, every day that you're not here in Mineral Town, every minute that I know you are with her. I wish I could get a second chance. I wish I could've been a better and stronger person than the spoiled brat that Claire called me. I wish I wasn't so selfish back then; maybe we could've gotten our happy ending. Maybe my dream wouldn't be just a figment of my imagination. Maybe it could've been the present.

I'm sorry Kai… Again. I love you. I hope to hear from you soon.

Lovelots,  
Popuri.


End file.
